When I moved to NYC for the first time back in ‘05, I was single and ready to mingle (that didn’t last long but whatever) New York is a melting pot of people of all cultures, occupations, etc., so my friend Susan and I had this plan to go on dates with guys across the board, all in one city. However, there was one group I was leaving off my list: white men on Wall Street and it’s all Christian Bale’s fault. Let me explain…
One fall/winter night back in 2001, I sat down to watch American Psycho. I’ve always had this fascination with serial killer movies because for some reason, sociopathic and murderous intrigued me (I’m prob the only person that has made Dexter Morgan my best friend in my head). At the time I didn’t know Christian Bale by name or face but the artwork on the DVD (that’s it above) was captivating so I was like, “hmm, this looks mysterious. I think I’ll watch it!” I get the movie, some popcorn, candy, soda, settle in/get cozy and press play…I was NOT prepared.
For those of you who haven’t seen the film, it tells the story of a young successful investment banker, Patrick Bateman (Bale) in Manhattan, working hard, playing hard and killing even harder. There are fantastic underlying themes of consumerism and yuppie culture but when I watched it back then, I had never lived in New York so I wasn’t familiar with that lifestyle. All I saw was this gorgeous man who lived this secret life at night that involved killing folks with nail guns and chopping up the ladies…all on his white furniture, which he carefully covered with the style section of the newspaper. JEEZUS! While the film is a dark comedy, I was traumatized by the fact that this well-accomplished, strong jaw-line having, sexy man could be taking women back to his apartment on 81st street and storing their heads in the freezer!
I love a sharp-dressed man, especially one with nice accessories and skin that screams, “I get monthly facials!” However, thanks to this film, when I see a gorgeous white man rocking a sleek, tailored look on the sidewalk, subway or in a bar, I can’t help but look at him and wonder, “is there a body hanging in your closet next to your Armani suits?” Call me crazy, call me paranoid, categorize me as having an overly active imagination but hey, like I’ve told you all before, I am an artist and God gave me this brain to use it specifically for things like this. You may laugh at me but I’m quite sure my paranoia has saved my life on many occasions.
With all of that being said, Christian Bale, I love you. I think you are a fantastic actor and you are gorgeous to look at but even covered in the heroic cloak of Batman and catching the bad guys, you and every white guy on Wall Street will always be Patrick Bateman to me. On the other hand, the upside to all of this is that Jon Hamm has given me high hopes for white guys on Madison Avenue.
*Just a little disclaimer: Before anyone gets offended, just know this is all out of love and comedy. I am a comedic actress/writer and this is what I do. If Will Smith had played Patrick Bateman then black guys on Wall Street would have been marked off my list equally. I love men and people of all races